Grandma Edna had never trusted technology. She still had a rotary phone, thought Netflix was a vitamin, and swore her microwave was watching her.
So when her kids gifted her a smart speaker for Christmas, she said,
“Oh, lovely. A glowing hockey puck that listens to my secrets.”
They set it up anyway.
Day 1: She yelled at it.
“Alexa, play Bing Crosby!”
It played Cardi B.
Day 2: She tried to set a timer for her pie. Instead, it turned on her neighbor’s smart light bulbs.
Day 3 is where the legend began.
Edna was knitting and watching her cat, Muffin, when she sighed and said out loud,
“I probably need more cat food.”
The speaker blinked. “Ordering 300 cans of tuna-flavored cat food.”
Edna blinked back.
“I beg your pardon?”
The speaker chimed again: “Order confirmed.”
Fifteen minutes later, her phone buzzed with a shipping notification.
She panicked and tried to cancel the order. “Alexa, stop! Cancel that! I don’t need that much cat food. Muffin is on a diet!”
The speaker, helpful as ever, replied: “Would you like to order diet cat food instead?”
The next morning, her porch looked like a feline warehouse. Neighbors thought she opened a shelter. Stray cats started showing up like it was Meow-chelin star dining.
Her grandson came over, took one look, and said,
“Grandma, you just became the neighborhood cat queen.”
Now she has a sign on her door:
“Beware of Grandma. She orders in bulk.”
And yes—Muffin is still on a diet.
